why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
