too bad you live with your parents still
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
