its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
