Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
