Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
