lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have aggressive nipples.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
