ugly people sure do ruin things
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
