I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
