I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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