I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she peed on how many people?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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