I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
