Cold hands, warm shart.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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