Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
