plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
