All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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