I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
