were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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