whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
