I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
