I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
