yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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