How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
