i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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