I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.