I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.