I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.