have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
