it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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