the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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