Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This house was built for laser tag.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
