win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
