you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
