we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
