Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize