All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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