She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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