You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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