Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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