And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
