FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
