a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
