this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
