I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
