I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize