I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
