I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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