what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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