the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
