I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
