Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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