You're my little dorito
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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