Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
