Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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