so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize