His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
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he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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