Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
