You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
