Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
