Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
