some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
