is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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