Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
