STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
