would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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