We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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