The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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